“So you don’t think you can ever heal?” Asked my therapist, in one of my therapy sessions I absolutely dreaded.
“I don’t believe in healing, my trauma will always haunt me, it’s impossible to get over it,” I said with absolute certainty.
Fast forward to one year, my perception of healing has completely changed for the better.
The process of healing can be one of the toughest yet beautiful journeys you’ll encounter. Sometimes you may think it never gets better, and healing is an everlasting task.
While healing will always be present no matter how old you might be, but with time you wouldn’t take it back for anything. It transforms and makes you a better person.
I often used to think, what’s the point of healing if you can’t forget your trauma. But that’s not healing!
Is it possible to erase the past and those traumatic memories?
No, it won’t be, you might be 90 and still have vivid images of the past.
But in the process of healing, you learn to make peace with your past and not let it get the better of you.
Healing isn’t the complete absence of your trauma but it’s living with those traumatic memories and not letting them affect you and your emotions.
So is it possible to heal? The answer is yes!
The path to healing:
The path towards healing is challenging, but it’s so worth it! Healing is a rollercoaster of emotions, memories and discoveries. Trauma can really change you completely as a person, it changes the way you see things and the things you believe.
And for someone who hasn’t healed, we often get into destructive habits to get rid of those memories. By drinking, substance abuse, getting into relationships that aren’t good for us, isolating.
Distracting your mind will only make your trauma stronger, and it will bite you in the back.
For years I pretended that my past didn’t exist, that I didn’t go through those terrible events. But guess what? They always haunted me, and at one point they completely destroyed me. From constant panic attacks to nightmares and flashbacks.
Those memories I suppressed sprung up in ways I never imagined they could.
Well, I learnt this the hard way. This is why, to whoever is reading this, I want you to know that you should sit with your trauma. Don’t ignore them.
You will never heal by running away.
”To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear.”
– Stephen Levine
How do you heal?
While when it comes to physical injuries our body has its own beautiful mechanisms to heal itself. But what about your mental health?
Our body can’t heal our mental wounds involuntarily the way it does to our physical wounds.
It’s up to us to heal ourselves from those demons.
How do you do that?
Just like we heal our physical wounds by addressing them, we heal our mental wounds by addressing them too!
Stages of healing:
Come to terms with your traumatic memories.
Don’t pretend like it never happened, I know a lot of people consider it weak to be vulnerable and face their demons. But not facing your demons is cowardly! No offence.
Running away from your issues will not make them go away. Just like your shadow, they are always present.
You have to recognize and acknowledge the memories you have been running away from, mourn, grieve and express your emotions.
The best way to heal is not to isolate, but to stay connected with people.
Therapy can be helpful and seeking help and sharing your experience with someone you trust can make you feel as if a huge burden is off your shoulders.
You don’t have to rush the process, healing is not a sprint but a marathon.
The goal is to come to terms with what you have been through.
Re-shaping and Re-learning
More often than not, overcoming trauma can be quite overwhelming as we need to re-learn a lot of things, about ourselves, the people, and the environment around us.
You start to introspect more about yourself, your toxic traits, you try to get yourself into a better and healthy lifestyle.
You create a new sense of who you are as a person, trauma no longer defines who you are but it’s merely a part of your lifelong journey.
There is no right or wrong way to heal, no fixed steps or a specific time frame to heal. It’s your journey and your experience.
The more you accept your trauma, your feelings and your emotions, the closer you are to healing.
Post-traumatic growth
Post-traumatic growth is the end stage of healing and the most powerful one. You are more mature and wise, you’re able to handle blows and tackle them.
You’re able to create meaningful relationships and are able to rely on people.
You have a greater appreciation for life. You no longer despise the trauma and neglect it with unhealthy coping mechanisms. You focus on yourself and your goals. You become a better version of yourself.
There’s a shift in your thinking. From a pessimistic to a more optimistic one. You will see the world in a different way. And that’s when you will realize that one does heal, despite all the trauma and negative events.
There is a silver lining in the end. And it will all be worth it.
And even though recovery and healing seem impossible for now, you are definitely capable to heal and change your life.
Healing is possible and can be one of the most beautiful journeys you can experience. You must have patience and trust the process. In the end, you will be thankful for believing in yourself.
”Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.”
–Buddha
