Healthy relationships are so rare to find, but once you are in it, it’s one of the best feelings ever. But how do you really know you’re in one? I have gone through many toxic relationships and ‘situation ships’ but I had never really been in a ‘healthy one’, honestly I didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. Especially ever since I was a kid I was conditioned to live in toxic environments, and because of that negative and unhealthy relationships were normal.
I consciously made the effort to break out of unhealthy relationships and I realized it made a world of difference in my life and my mental health.
But how do you know if you’re in a toxic or healthy relationship? Here are the signs that can help you find out if you are in a healthy relationship:
- 1. They are consistent with their love:
- 2. They communicate:
- 3. They take accountability and work on their flaws for you:
- 4. They use the word ‘we’ a lot:
- 5. You do not have to beg for the bare minimum, everything is effortless:
- 6. They give you attention even when they are with their friends/ colleagues:
- 7. They respect your boundaries:
- 8. They want a future with you:
- 9. You trust each other:
- 10. You feel at peace with them:
1. They are consistent with their love:
A healthy relationship doesn’t give you mixed signals, they aren’t sweet today and suddenly act rude tomorrow. They don’t show up and then disappear out of the blue. A healthy relationship is reliable, consistent and trustworthy.
They show up daily with their love and don’t make you doubt their actions. They don’t make you question whether they love you. Or if you’re good enough or if they find you attractive enough etc.
And even if you do have those questions (which we normally do) they reassure you. They make you feel at peace and in fact, help you overcome those insecurities and improve your self-esteem..
2. They communicate:
Another green flag is that they communicate. For any relationship to work, communication is key. And no matter what the issue is, you communicate it with each other. You sort your issues out before they become the problem.
If your partner avoids communicating with you, then you should speak to them and address this. When you actively communicate, listen and problem-solve you create a healthier relationship rather than avoiding the topic and allowing it to build up and create resentment against each other.
I wasn’t big on communication, in fact, I avoided it as I was scared of confrontation but my partner was so patient and understanding of what I was going through that now even if I have the slightest issue that is bothering me I communicate that, and it builds so much peace and trust in the long term.
3. They take accountability and work on their flaws for you:
A walking green flag is someone who owns up to what they have done and works on their flaws. It’s so rare to find someone who doesn’t gaslight you when you voice up your concerns, but instead listens and acknowledges you. If you have someone like this. Keep them.
Such people love you too much to lose you, which is why they keep their egos to the side and work on themselves for you instead of blaming you.
4. They use the word ‘we’ a lot:
Being in a healthy relationship is like working in a team. No matter what obstacle you face your partner is always here to help you overcome it. You might hear words like “We will fight this together”, “We will get through this etc”.
And it makes you feel less alone in whatever issue you are facing. An unhealthy relationship would sound like “This is your issue, you deal with it” “It’s not my fault you got into this situation” etc.
5. You do not have to beg for the bare minimum, everything is effortless:
Isn’t it the best feeling when you get everything you wanted without begging or asking for it like you did in your previous relationship? I remember begging for a text back or for them to meet me and now I don’t even have to do that. My partner does everything and even goes above and beyond.
A healthy relationship will treat you like a queen/king and give you everything you deserve. They aren’t petty and arrogant. In fact, they will treat you as their priority and will do everything in their power to make you happy and give you everything you need.
6. They give you attention even when they are with their friends/ colleagues:
A lot of times red flags completely ignore their partner or treat them differently when they are out with their friends. But a green flag will always give you their attention, no matter how busy they are or who they are with. They want you to feel special and a priority.
7. They respect your boundaries:
A healthy relationship will respect your boundaries, they won’t force you to do something you don’t like or make you feel uncomfortable. They will always make sure you feel safe and comfortable around them.
8. They want a future with you:
A healthy relationship is not scared of commitment, they are not scared to talk about their future. In fact, they are open about it and they communicate that with you.
I’ve been in such unhealthy relationships that the men I was with were so scared of relationships that I was scared to even take a picture with them because that is something you do in a serious relationship. Or hold hands outside or spend ‘quality’ time.
Until I met someone who was the complete opposite and was honestly, fearless. He was open about our relationship and his feelings towards me, he was open about his intentions and future with me. And that is what a healthy relationship should look like.
You shouldn’t be afraid to have a future together or discuss about it.
9. You trust each other:
I know we all are insecure and paranoid at times, especially in this day and age when cheating is so common and lies and deceit are everywhere. But in a healthy relationship, you trust each other and work every day towards building that trust.
Even if one partner has trust issues the other partner will reassure and affirm the other partner to make them feel at peace and calm. And not just words but their actions will speak too. They will never do anything to hurt you or make you feel insecure or jealous.
10. You feel at peace with them:
When you are with your partner you don’t feel chaotic, you don’t feel anxiety or worry or stress, and You’re at ease with them. You feel at home with them. Their presence is warm and soothing. You’re not plagued with 100 thoughts that worry you.
When you are with them their touch calms you and you feel peace.
Of course, these are not just the only factors of a healthy relationship, there are SOOO many more like- they show you off, their entire circle knows about you, they aren’t scared to compliment you etc etc. The green flags are endless. And you know they are green flags when you don’t have any negative emotion associated with their behaviour.
Overall, every relationship is different. Every partner is different. So some factors may vary but these few points were something I observed in most healthy relationships, including mine.
What are your thoughts?
