Self-sabotage can be one of the toughest battles to deal with as it’s so disguised and deep-rooted. But it’s possible to overcome it.

How?

Keep reading for some deep insights.

A lot of us have goals and ambitions we want to achieve but we consciously or unconsciously prevent ourselves from achieving something we desperately desire! That’s self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage occurs when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder our own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values.

(Brenner, 2019)

You end up getting frustrated and question yourself “Why do I always do this?” and most of the time we get into this ‘self-hate spiral’

If that’s you, remember that it’s NOT YOUR FAULT and don’t be so hard on yourself. Self-sabotage is much deeper and psychological than you think.

Understanding Self-sabotage: Why do we self-sabotage?

Self-preservation:

Self-sabotage mainly occurs in the form of self-defence.

Well…. what are you fighting against? if you ask. It’s not fighting against anything but fighting FOR your comfort.

It’s a way of preventing yourself from getting into situations that you are unfamiliar with I.e getting out of your comfort zone. It’s your body’s way of protecting you from the ‘unknown’.

Trauma

Self-sabotaging behaviours can also be coping mechanisms that we had developed in the past to survive trauma, whether it be childhood trauma or toxic/abusive relationships etc.

Additionally, trauma creates this negative mindset in which the survivor feels that they are undeserving of success and hence their body avoids it.

Phewww no wonder I ended up running away from so many opportunities! It’s kinda unfortunate but there’s still time to change things around 😉

Modelling

This is another unconscious way of self-sabotage, growing up seeing a parent who lacked the confidence to succeed can cause the child to imitate that behaviour in the future.

Even if the parent warned the child to avoid playing out or talking to people, it can internalize that behaviour in the child which can cause him/her to avoid those actions in the future as they are unfamiliar with it.

Rejection

Being rejected by a parent or a former partner can cause one to sabotage other future relationships out of fear of that action being repeated.

Fear of failure

A lot of us complete work at the last minute or completely avoid the task as somewhere there’s a deep-rooted fear of failing. This is why we end up procrastinating or stalling a project/ task.

It’s common when your insecurities come up when you’re going after something that you want. We always have that inner critic that doubts everything we do, it brings these negative emotions and uncertainty into our minds. It becomes detrimental when they affect our day to day living as the fear of failing builds up.

It can be understood that these negative patterns are mainly developed to keep us safe and not get into anything ‘unfamiliar’ which is why it gets so hard to get out of these patterns.

Damn! You did not expect that, right? Neither did I. But it does make sense now, which means now we can break these self-sabotaging patterns and behaviours in a better way!

How to overcome it?

It can be really difficult fighting self-sabotaging behaviours and thoughts in the beginning, but once you start recognizing the patterns and thoughts you start gaining an advantage over them.

Most of our self-sabotaging patterns stem from our childhood and past traumas, which is why deep inner healing is required to get out of these destructive behaviours.

Recognizing the patterns:

I would always get into toxic and unhealthy relationships and remain in them even after knowing they aren’t good for me. I not only self-sabotaged myself but my self-esteem, relationships and opportunities.

Once I FINALLY got into healthy relationships I would sabotage those as well!

I would find something wrong in that person and hold it against them. I was like wait, why am I doing this?

Turns out I wasn’t used to healthy and positive relationships which is why my body was resisting them. And once I paid attention to my mind and behaviour patterns I could call those thoughts and behaviours out!

So whenever you notice you’re on the phone for too long, when you should be asleep, or when you consume junk food when you promised yourself to get into a healthy diet RECOGNIZE THAT!

And tell yourself “I’m self-sabotaging myself, I deserve better”

And change those actions.

I know I know it isn’t easy, I struggled a lot but once I kept repeating this exercise it got easier.

Practise positive affirmations

Growing up, if you were belittled by your parents, or bullies, it becomes difficult to think good about yourself. This is why we end up self-sabotaging excessively.

This is why positive affirmations are so important to re-wire your brain from negative affirmations to positive ones.

Our minds are powerful, it believes what it thinks.

Think good and positive thoughts, even if they seem fake, until your mind creates them as a reality, DON’T STOP.

Affirmations make a huge difference in the long term.

Get used to failure

Rejection, failure, doubt etc are uncomfortable to deal with. This is why we avoid them in order to not get hurt. But self-sabotaging opportunities of a lifetime or potential strong relationships can negatively impact us in the future.

Regret is the worst feeling and it’s far better to experience failure once than to experience regret our entire life.

Talk it out

It’s important to speak to someone close and trustworthy when you are feeling your self sabotaging tendencies are getting out of hand and are negatively impacting you.

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, it shows how serious you are towards yourself. Getting help is the strongest form of self-love.

Self-sabotaging behaviours are hard to recognize but once you do start noticing the patterns and recognize the ways you’re holding yourself from better opportunities, it becomes much easier to tackle them.

Recognizing these behaviours is the first step in solving them.

And change is possible, you can change the way you think. You can change your behaviour and actions for the better. And you are worthy of success. All you have to do is START and work towards yourself by eliminating these self-sabotaging tendencies.